I Used the Bathroom Alone (and other mom luxuries)

Thank you for sharing!

Guess what! I used the bathroom alone today! And, I got some other mom luxuries, too. This parenting humor...best. ever.

Being a stay-at-home mom is NOT what I thought it would be before I embarked on this journey. And having 1 vs. 2 babies makes no difference. My life is completely different now and I can’t even tell you…Dude, my accomplishment today, for example: I Used the Bathroom Alone (and other mom luxuries). Yeah, I’m a high-roller now, mamma. Takin’ naps and makin’ snackies. Heh.

I live in a freakin’ zoo, my lovelies, a freakin’ zoo.

my life is a zoo and other parenting humor stories feature

I Used the Bathroom Alone (and other mom luxuries)

  • I Used the Bathroom Alone. Well, the door was open and the toddler was screaming as she ran away with the toilet paper in one fist. But I was alone for those precious, sweet 5 seconds–until the baby came around the corner giggling–wrapped in toilet paper.
  • I Got Showered. And I managed to shower two other people at the same time! So cool how I can multi-task like that. Sure, it means I haven’t shaved my legs (or anything else except my underarms) for like 3 months now, but I showered. I got clean. Take that, SAHM-ing pros! (oh, wait, that’s supposed to be me)
  • My Lunch was Still Warm When I Sat Down. Of course, I just cut it up for the baby to eat at her very loud insistence. So, there’s that. I didn’t get to eat it while it was warm–or any of it. I had to make myself a snackie later of apple sauce in a pouch. Which I snuck behind the baby’s back. Because I didn’t want to have to share that, too.

I used the bathroom alone (and other mom luxuries) fb

  • I Trimmed My Fingernails. Not my toenails, which desperately need trimming, too. But it was like a manicure without getting the pedi. Right? Riiiiight.
  • I Slept for 5 Mintues by Myself in Bed. Nah, that was just a dream.
  • I Took a Nap. Of course, I was covered in baby and toddler–and 3 stuffies. And people kept texting me. And that’s when the neighbor decided to mow the lawn and set my doggie-alarms off for an hour. But I got a nap, dangit! Albiet a very, very un-nap-like-nap.

See? A zoo. A. Freakin’. Zoo.

how being a stay at home mom is different than I thought it would be sq

This is totally hilarious to me (as I type it following the day just described). Do you think It’s funny? Or just sad? Because it could be sad, too. Whatever. I just want to know I’m not alone in this. Leave me a comment below or hit me up on Facebook. I know there are other moms like me out there, proud of their mom luxuries! LOL!

Thank you for sharing!

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