Never in my life had I imagined all the crazy things that happened to me once I became a mom. Even looking back now, some of them are kind of hard to believe. One day, I’ll tell you about why I hate the color green (there’s a boating story in that) and why my daughter just doesn’t like skirts (something to do with a band concert and a too-short skirt I “forced” her to wear). Every mother’s best story, though is their Most Embarrassing Moment. The best part though? Paybacks are hell. Ha!
When my son was about 3 years old, he was a typical boy. Always in to something. I had gotten into the habit of telling him that I would paddle his bottom, if he did whatever again. Sometimes that worked, and sometimes I had to follow through on my threat. Well, one day we went shopping. Not to the regular grocery store, where nobody knows you, but to the neighborhood meat market–where EVERYBODY knows you. (We did live in a small community, after all.)
There were several customers in the store, and my son and I had to wait for a few minutes. That wasn’t a problem, until he decided to start marching up and down in front of the glass display cases. I firmly told him to stop, and to come stand by me. He did as I had asked–for about 30 seconds. Then he resumed his marching, but this time he placed a hand on the display case and ran his hand from one end to the other. He turned to go back the way he had come, so I grabbed his hand and forced him to stand by my side.
He looked up at me with those wide, innocent eyes and in a very loud, very clear voice said, “Mommy, please don’t beat me!”
I was MORTIFIED! I had no idea how to respond to this 3-year old boy! Of course, I wasn’t going to BEAT him! But, as you can imagine, every head in the place turned to see my reaction…I wanted to crawl under the door, to my car, never to be seen again.
As I look back on this experience, it is very amusing. Sometimes I remind my son of how humiliated I was, and he just laughs that maniacal laugh of his. At 3 years, he certainly didn’t know how embarrassing his remark was going to be for me, and I doubt he even knew why he said it. Any ideas why a child would say something like that?
Little does he know that I can (and will) laugh my butt off when he come complaining to me about his kiddo doing this very same thing. One day when he has kids. I can hardly wait.