Caring for a parent after 65 comes with emotional shifts and unexpected responsibilities. Here’s what I learned while supporting my mom through this stage of life.
When my mom turned 65, I thought things would get easier, at least for a while. She finally qualified for Medicare, started getting senior discounts, and talked about traveling more now that she was officially a retiree.
However, as time passed, her health began to change bit by bit, like forgetting small things and getting tired more easily. I started stepping into a caregiving role I hadn’t prepared for.
She wasn’t elderly by any means, but after 65, it felt like somewhat of a turning point. So, here’s what I’ve learned from caring for my mom after 65.
Navigating Medicare
When she got on Medicare, we realized it was a little more complicated than expected. The program has several parts, including Parts A, B, C, and D, and none of them cover everything.
We had to decide whether to go with Original Medicare or a Medicare Advantage plan. Later, we added a Medigap policy, which helped, but not without a lot of research first.
I kept asking myself, “Can she pass Medigap underwriting if she needs to switch plans later?” Once you’re outside your Medigap Open Enrollment Period, approval for a Medigap plan is not guaranteed in every state.
It was stressful trying to understand how it all worked, and I constantly referred back to resources like the article – What is Medigap? – to help make sense of things.
We also had to become savvy about prescription drug coverage. Navigating the “donut hole” coverage gap under Part D was frustrating. Some months, her medication costs would spike, and I had to spend time calling around to find discount programs or look into manufacturer savings cards.
Understanding formularies, prior authorizations, and preferred pharmacies became part of my regular routine.
Health Changes
One of the biggest surprises was how fast certain aspects of my mom’s health seemed to change. One year, we were celebrating her birthday over lunch and joking about “senior status.”
By the next, I was coordinating her medical appointments, keeping track of medications, and helping her with tasks she used to do easily.
On top of that, she developed a chronic condition that required ongoing care. While it wasn’t life-threatening, it did affect her daily functions. Now, I was calling to remind her to check her blood sugar or follow up with her specialist.
I also became more aware of the subtle signs of health decline. Things like small bruises on her arms from bumping into furniture or forgetting where she left the TV remote signaled more than just clumsiness or absentmindedness.
These signs prompted deeper conversations with her doctors about her physical safety and mental well-being.
Mental Impact
Emotionally, it’s hard to become the one “in charge” when you’ve always seen your parent as the caregiver. I had to learn how to support her without making her feel like she was losing her independence.
That meant helping with her finances without taking control, reminding her about appointments without nagging, and being patient when she didn’t want to talk about her health.
There were times I had to step in more directly, like when she fell and refused to go to urgent care, insisting she was fine. In moments like that, I had to balance respecting her boundaries but also ensuring her health was still a top priority.
Caregiving also took a toll on my own mental health. I experienced what many call “caregiver burnout”—a mix of emotional exhaustion, guilt, and constant worry. I didn’t always realize how much stress I was holding until I found myself snapping over small things or feeling overwhelmed by simple tasks.
Finding time for self-care became essential, even if it was just a walk around the block or an hour to read in peace.
Changing Family Roles
This experience also changed the dynamic with my siblings. Initially, everyone was supportive, but over time, I became the default caregiver because I lived the closest. Eventually, I had to ask for help.
It felt uncomfortable, but I realized I couldn’t do it alone. Coordinating her care became a full-time side job, and I needed help with tasks like picking up her medications or having someone sit with her while I went to the store.
I also had to start uncomfortable conversations with her about powers of attorney, advance directives, and financial planning. It felt odd, but eventually, it gave us peace of mind, knowing we had a plan if things got worse.
I learned that being the primary caregiver didn’t mean I had to carry the full emotional weight alone. I began scheduling regular check-ins with my siblings via phone or video chat so we could all stay updated.
Even if they couldn’t be physically present, their involvement helped ease my burden and reminded my mom that she was supported by more than just one person.
Support Systems
I learned pretty quickly that there are resources out there to support caregivers. Our local Area Agency on Aging helped us find a caregiver support group, and I connected with others going through the same thing.
Talking to people who understood what I was facing made a huge difference.
We also started using meal delivery services, in-home nursing visits, and other helpful tools like Medicare resources, prescription discount programs, and more. At first, she was hesitant, but after a few weeks, she admitted it helped.
Differences in Aging
Caring for my mom after she turned 65 taught me that aging doesn’t look the same for everyone. Some people transition into retirement with minor disruptions, while others, like my mom, face new challenges that change daily life in unexpected ways.
Taking care of my mom also reminded me that 65 isn’t old, but it can come with some changes. For some people, it’s the start of a relaxing retirement. For others, it might bring on new health issues, new financial anxieties, and a need for more support. There’s no one-size-fits-all experience.
What matters most is staying flexible and trying to prepare where possible. I’ve learned to let go of expectations and meet my mom where she’s at. It’s not always easy, but it’s possible and can help you grow in ways you weren’t expecting.
