Every family has it – that one person who somehow ends up doing everything, the one everyone calls when things fall apart or when someone needs a favor. If that sounds like you, then I have news – you’re everyone’s backup plan.
You didn’t sign up for it, but somehow, you’re the one holding everything together, and everybody else just breathes easy.
You have to manage the kids and their chaos, work, jump in when your parents and in-laws need help, and of course, make time for your partner. And you might not know it, but you’re running a marathon, only this one has no finish line.
It gets beyond exhausting. The mental load, the pressure, the guilt when you have to say no to someone because there’s simply not enough hours in the day to get everything done and everyone taken care of.
And you? Who actually thinks about you? Not you, that’s for sure.
In this article, I’ll go deeper into what it means to be the ‘backup plan’ for your family and why it means you have to step up when nobody else can (or will).
The Emotional Reality
When you’re the person everyone depends on, you’re carrying a weight no one else sees. That means you’re under constant pressure that creates a mental toll, which also puts your health at risk.
It builds up quietly, but fiercely – you get overwhelmed, you feel guilty that you’re not doing enough, you’re frustrated that nobody seems to notice how much you’re doing, and on top of all that, you feel invisible.
A lot of moms don’t have just their kids to manage, they also need to worry about their aging parents, support siblings who are going through something, and step in for everybody.
This kind of responsibility stretches you thin and chips away at your mental health. It also strains relationships with everyone around you and, in extreme cases, leads to burnout and resentment.
Juggling Kids, In-Laws, and Parents
I see so many people caught in the middle, caring for their own kids, parents, and in-laws. This forces you to juggle like crazy and, somehow, somebody always ends up with the short end of the stick.
Kids need an endless amount of attention with school runs, activities, doctor visits, and all the ups and downs their moods bring. That alone can drain your energy.
Meanwhile, you can’t neglect your aging parents. They need help with medical appointments, managing medications, and even everyday tasks in some cases.
Plus, there’s always that nagging worry about whether they’re safe, and should you be worried that they aren’t picking up the phone immediately when you call them.
Then come the in-laws. With in-laws, relationships can get very complicated because there are a lot of opinions flying around, and it forces you to manage boundaries and mediate family tensions.
All of these responsibilities overlap and collide into chaos, and the person who gets the actual short end of the stick is you.
When do you take care of yourself? You lose sight of your own needs because there’s too many demands from others. And that simply won’t do.
Accepting That You Can’t Do It All Yourself
At some point, you’ll just have to accept that you can’t do it all on your own. You’re only human after all, and it’s ok to ask for help.
That doesn’t necessarily have to be a family member, it can be a friend or even a professional, like a nursing home for your parents or a part-time nanny for kids.
Once you come to peace with this, you’ll feel relieved and anxious at once.
I know it sounds like it doesn’t make sense, but here’s what happens in cases like these – you’ll feel comfort because you’ll know there’s help out there, but you’ll also worry whether that outside help is enough.
Even when you hand over some of the responsibilities, your role doesn’t disappear.
Say you find a nursing home for your parents. How do you know if they’re cared for properly if you’re not involved? Neglect and poor care can happen anywhere; just look at the Springfield nursing home neglect cases.
A nursing home should provide safe and reliable care for the elderly. However, Springfield nursing home has faced multiple cases involving serious injury and even death due to neglect or abuse.
No one wants their loved ones in a place with such a history. That’s why it’s essential to research any facility thoroughly before making a decision.
Even if the facility appears excellent, staying involved is important. You don’t need to micromanage every detail, but regular phone calls and visits help you notice if something feels off.
When trusted professionals care for your aging parents or in-laws, you gain more time and peace of mind. You’ll also feel less exhausted and more present for your kids—without being the tired, overworked version of yourself.
Everyone gets to have the best version of you, even your extended family.
Conclusion
If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to take care of anyone else properly. This is something everyone knows, but it’s like they don’t care, and they keep doing too much.
But if you make time for rest and set boundaries, you’ll stay strong (and sane!) for everyone who depends on you.
Hiring a nanny, a maid, or moving your parents into a nursing home doesn’t make you ‘bad’, it just means you know how to prioritize.
