Honestly, I am afraid to post this. I know that this may be a terrible post and a lot of you may only be reading it from a point of view of morbid curiosity (I know I would if I were a reader here). But just keep reading. I’m not as evil as I seem. But I am evil–like Gru…I promise. So, here’s my 5 Reasons Why I Would NEVER Recommend Adoption to Anyone. Again, I’m evil, like Gru. Evil with a marshmallow center…eep.
5 Reasons Why I Would NEVER Recommend Adoption to Anyone
- The baggage they carry is too heavy to bear. Literally, it’s irrevocable, un-erasable, and downright un-manageable. It won’t go away, no matter what you do. No amount of counseling, love or medication can make 18 foster homes disappear. Nothing.
- It’s too hard to parent someone else’s child. That’s just how life is. No way can you un-do the parenting they did and getting the kid to conform to your way of parenting…so hard, it’s not worth it.
- You’re going to get pregnant right after you adopt, anyway. Yep, and you don’t want to have a baby on the way with an angry, confused kiddo in your house. That would just be awful. I’ve been there–it’s awful.
- These “damaged” kids can never love you. Because you’re not their parent. You can’t ever replace their parent, and, frankly, you don’t need to. It’s just too hard to get past all those emotional barriers.
- They’re just going to end-up back in trouble. Yep, because you can take the kid out of the mess, but you can’t take the mess out of the kid, right?
Now, 5 Reasons Why I Would Recommend Adoption to Anyone (because, I’m not as evil as all that)
- He is a beautiful person and all he NEEDED was a home. That’s all. And that is the only reason anyone should ever adopt. Ever.
- Kids with painful pasts are not baggage-carriers, they are BADGE carriers. That baggage is BS. My son has badges of honor for what he went through, is still working-through and although he’ll always carry it with him, they are like scars on a war veteran. They help make him who he is and he earned them, even if they aren’t pretty. But he’s a better person for having gotten them–then gotten past them.
- Without families, kids can’t grow-up easy. Kids are just tiny people and sometimes they don’t know how to deal with the hand they’ve been dealt. I’ll be honest, I’m not sure I would have behaved any differently than my son if I’d been in his shoes even as an adult. But, by being in his life, I have helped make his life infinitely more easy than it would have been if he’d stayed in that boy’s home.
- To grow as a mom to help my son, I grew as a person. Because I didn’t need to parent him like I WANTED to. I needed to parent him like he needed me to. There’s a big difference. And I’m a better person and mom for having made that connection and changed how I acted to better parent him.
- He is worth it. My son didn’t have anyone (ANYONE) to even sign his permission slips to even go on a field trip until he was in second grade and my husband and I became his mom and dad. No one was there to help him, guide him, give him a hug, or advocate for him when he needed it most. I can never undo those years, but I can fight for him now. By fighting through all the tantrums and anger from him. By advocating at the school that he get the best services possible. By loving him, with all his badges and needs that are so different from what I expected. He is worth it and I am sorry if I EVER felt differently (even when he was calling me bad names).
Don’t run out and adopt until you’ve got it in your heart–its a serious life commitment that takes a lot of you–changes you. But if it’s there, if you see it as part of your life’s work, do it. I urge you with every part of my heart to yours. Because your future daughter or son is worth it, too. And, though it is terribly hard, it is indescribably awesome and totally worth the pain. I recommend adoption with my whole heart. Because it is worth it. In the end.