According to all the books and pictures out there, breastfeeding is supposed to be this magical, spiritual experience between you and baby. Yeah, right. I’m not alone in having problems and issues. I can’t be. Please tell me I’m not. LOL! Here are the 10 Truths About Breastfeeding that I’ve found. No kidding, this is how it really is. Really really.
10 Truths About Breastfeeding
- You will not be good at it. As if you could do something different. It’s a boob, not a muscle. But somehow, you’ll feel responsible because baby won’t latch right or your nipple will fall out after two minutes. And the seal will leak. Mess.
- Pumping takes 8 million years. FOR. EV. ER. And that’s on top of feeding baby. 8 million years.
- If you pump, there will not be enough. She’ll totally want more than you could ever produce via pumping, so you’ll want to not pump, but she won’t take anything but a bottle. This is a for-real problem.
- If you don’t pump, there will not be enough. No jokes. She’ll want to eat from the boob, but then want a bottle. GAH!
- Sometimes, your let down is just a huge let down. It pinches, aches and then, it’s not even really time. Or, there’s no warning and suddenly your shirt is soaked. And your pants.
- You will be covered in breastmilk from head to toe. So will the baby. And your toddler. And quite possibly the dog. As I type right now, my computer is actually covered in dried breastmilk. Sticky. Stinky. Ewwwey breastmilk. Gross.
- The smell of breastmilk will make you cringe. Not only will the smell curdle your nose, everything will be covered in it. Imagine walking around all day with that icky smell covering the world. Great.
- Not everything that is wet is breastmilk. Sometimes it will be spit-up, which is not so bad, because that’s just breastmilk, right? But then there’s the occasional busted diaper that happens when you’re feeding perfect baby. Geew.
- Every toot the baby has will be your fault. Right, because if you decide those refried beans with your enchiladas are a good idea, you’ll be feeling guilty for a week.
- You will wander around aimlessly with a boob (or two) hanging out. No, really, you’ll just realize one day that you’ve been done breastfeeding (or pumping) for ten minutes and your shirt is still around your throat and your bra around your belly button. Heh.