5 Things I Wish My Kids HADN'T GOTTEN for Christmas

I think I’m in that hungover stage of the holidays. I just want it to be over and “why is everyone yelling at me?” keeps coming out of my mouth at random times during the day. I’m totally grateful for all I’ve gotten, all I’ve had throughout the year and all the blessings along the way. But, there are totally 5 Things I Wish My Kids HADN’T GOTTEN for Christmas. And, no, not on the list: time with the family–because that’s the one thing I really wish we’d been able to do more of with the kids. To say I’m disappointed in the lack of family-time we get is an understatement. I mean, that’s the whole point of the holidays and I feel like it was just another, normal day almost…I’ll have to work on that next year.

5 Things I Wish My Kids HADN’T GOTTEN for Christmas

The 9 Million Gifts. Not to be ungrateful or anything, and we all know I’m the BIGGEST violator of the “I’m only going to buy the kids 5 gifts each” rule EVERY YEAR. But, here’s the deal: I have a horrible time with my teen. He’s a jerk. All the time. But especially around the holidays. And I really need for him not to be showered with gifts. He called me a bitch on Christmas Eve. So, yeah, I wish he hadn’t gotten all those 9 million things. Or that they’d at least been in paper or plastic bags instead of wrapped…because I spent 2 hours wrapping all of them Christmas Eve night, after he called me names. I’m such an idiot sometimes.
Money. Because now that means my kids have cash burning a hole in their pocket and I have to take them to the store. And be tortured for at least a half-hour waiting for them to pick-out their choice. Or spend 10-times that amount of time listening to the teen agonizing over what he should buy online (because I’m too lazy to take him to the store). Just give ’em stocks. We all know they’re going to need a little savings for when I kick their butts to the curb when they turn 18. Heh. (although I really do appreciate you giving them that money, mom, it was a very thoughtful gift–please don’t be mad at me–eep)
The Toy that Needs Assembling. Thanks for giving me a headache, backache and a toy that will probably never work right (because I always end up with an extra screw…). I have a theory: Toy and Baby Equipment companies colluded to make things hard to assemble because they know parents that are desperate, sleep-deprived and over-caffeinated will be assembling these things…and these companies are EVIL. They laugh maniacally knowing how hard they are making my life. Maniacally. Oh, and they’ve never had children.
That Cold. Please, man. I get it. I have had a head cold over the holidays before. But I stayed home. I did. And I certainly didn’t kiss the kids. Because that virus you were carting around like Typhoid Mary? It got my kid and, thus me, sick. And it’s not like I’m fussing because I got sick, but that it was like TORTURE because I WAS SICK AND STILL HAD TO TEND THE KID. Do you get what you just did there? You killed me with a cold. You did. And you probably work for the toy company, too…making those hard to assemble toys. Evil with a capital E.
The Time Off From School. Is there some REASON kids get 2 weeks off from school? I mean, I’m all for traveling to visit family and having some time off for that–but we’re not using horse-drawn carriages for travel anymore, so could we work on that? Maybe only give them off the same days people in offices get off? Like, really. I’m so tired of my kids by the end of the break. They need to be in school and out of my hair like WEEKS ago. It’s not 1895 anymore. We should totally re-look at that whole time off in summer AND at the holidays thing.