I hate teenagers. Ugly, gangly, messy creatures. I wish they’d stay little and cute and then BAM, they were an adult. But, since that’s not how it works and they don’t just magically turn into a full-grown person, I guess I have to suffer for 5 more years. It’s hard, though, when you have little ones in diapers and one that wants to put you in diapers because they think you’re so old and outdated. I can’t help but compare the two kids and I have noticed a distinct and clear 10 Times My Toddler was Smarter than My Teen. He’s so going to be embarrassed when he reads this as an adult (which is funny right now).
10 Times My Toddler was Smarter than My Teen
- When I tell my toddler it’s time to take a bath, she gets her toys and goes. Why do I have to beat my teen into taking a bath. Doesn’t he know he stinks?! No girlfriend with BO, bud.
- When my toddler gets a present, she doesn’t make a face. Yah, so it’s the week after Christmas. My teen son made faces when he opened his gifts that were not toys like a cool new shirt or a book about Star Wars. My toddler–squealed in delight when she got a new onesie and a golden book–the same squeal when she opened the teddy bear. Made me want to only give my teen non-toy gifts next year.
- When my toddler wants a hug, she just comes to get one. Is it so hard to ask for a hug? Or do we HAVE to have a fight just so we can make up and he can get a hug? Really?!
- When I want to go do something, my toddler goes with–without question. I am so sick of “who’s prescription are we picking up” and “what do we need to get at the grocery store?” It doesn’t matter, Mr. Smartypants, we just need to go, so get in the car already.
- When we go out to eat, my toddler orders from the kid’s menu. My teen orders the most expensive thing, asks for a caffeinated soda and when I try to establish boundaries…I get called names. So, yeah, just order off the kid’s menu–you’re not going to eat it all anyway and you’re going to have them strip off all the veggies and…just order off the kid’s menu.
- When my toddler has a tantrum, she doesn’t call me names. My teen son just digs his hole deeper by calling me bad things that just make me want to pound him into the ground with long-lasting consequences. Stop calling me “bitch” or “smartass”. I’m tired of it.
- When we go visit other people, my toddler doesn’t forget there are rules. The teen, not so much. He’d like the rules to be completely different at other people’s homes–like there are no rules. The toddler behaves like an angel–which she kind of is.
- When my toddler says “I’m sorry,” she actually means it. The toddler doesn’t yell “I’m sorry”, she says it with a hug and some tears (often) and then she stops doing what she was told not to do. My idiot teen repeats the same mistakes over and over and over. Sick. Of. It.
- If I say “no”, at least my toddler pauses. Good luck saying “no” to my teen. I’m just as likely to get flipped off as I am to get him to stop whatever it is he’s doing.
- At least my toddler tries new foods at least once. Guess what, my teen is going through a stage where he won’t eat with the family–much less try new foods I make. It’s just gotten so out of hand.
I just can’t wait for 18. Seriously. I’m like an old man playing roulette in Vegas…come on 18, come on, baby…