Something happened this week that just really made me disappointed in myself…again. My son stole. Like for real, he never stops (and somehow it’s my fault). And, this time, the consequences had to be hard. Like really hard–as in, he wiped-out my bank account one too many times and I just can’t afford it anymore. But it still sucks when I have to be the hammer. Because my child is not a nail. This is Why I Regret Decisions I Make as a Mom…But, and this is so hard, but the deepest truth in my heart, I have to keep making these regretful-decisions in order to be a good mom.
I’m not one to gripe about my responsibilities as a mom. And this is not meant to be that at all. But what I am saying is that sometimes, shouldering responsibility is hard and makes you wish you were anywhere but there–and anyone else but yourself. So, it’s not that I’m complaining. Just stating a fact that life is hard. Being a good mom is hard. And, though I want to be a good mom with all I am, I will likely regret decisions I’ve made, no matter how hard I tell myself they were necessary.
Why I Regret Decisions I Make as a Mom
- He’s Still So Young. But, by 13, he really should know not to get in my wallet and take my debit card. Right? But he’s only 13. Do I have to be hard? Maybe I do. Maybe I don’t. I have 5 more years to figure out how to teach him…but then…it’s only 5 more years.
- She Doesn’t Understand. Literally, she doesn’t understand what she’s doing because she’s 2, but that moment, when I yelled at her to not touch the hot stove…that was the right choice, right? I mean, if she’d burned herself, that would have been way more scarring than the emotional hurt from the yelling. Right? Only, maybe she wouldn’t have touched the stove…I don’t know.
- I Just Want His Love. And seeing the angry expressions, hearing the mean words…it’s hard. And makes me feel INCREDIBLY guilty for having a consequence. Because, I would love a hug now and then. But they’re so few and far between. It’s like he hates me. But all I want…and maybe one day I’ll get it…but only after this really hard time…
- I’m Pushing Hard. So hard, in fact, that other people are surprised when my toddler says thank you. But I feel an URGENT need to do make sure there’s good things happening. And it’s not like I’m torturing them. I would never…except that my son says I am torturing him…but hard consequences come from big missteps. I mean, right? If you step out of line in a big way–equal and opposite reactions, right?
So, ultimately, I guess the reason I feel guilt, and regret decisions I make, it’s because of the confusion. It’s because I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing. And I’ll probably never know. This parenting thing–it’s as confusing as the whole growing-up thing was for me. Karma. That’s karma.
Wouldn’t it be nice to live in a world where we didn’t have to hand down consequences to kiddos in order to teach them? Fun, but full of chaos…right? Do you ever regret decisions you make as a mom? Back me up. Hit me with a comment below…or find me on Facebook.