I am a really bad mom. According to my son, I have done all sorts of bad things that made him do really bad things. Like the time that I “made” him yell at the teacher at school because I allowed my son to go to school in shorts (despite the fact that I told him it was going to be cold, to please put on jeans–but I didn’t FORCE the jeans on him, sooooo). This time, though, apparently, I made my teenage son steal…
Apparently, I made my teenage son steal…
So, my son has been behaving really well the last couple of weeks. Really, he has. I’ve been proud of him, but I’m also like a kicked-dog in that I know (based on the millions of times I’ve been kicked), I’m going to get kicked again. So, I’ve been telling him how proud I am, giving him that praise he needs so much, but, because I didn’t praise him enough (by purchasing him rewards–that’s his “love language”), he had to resort to stealing. And it’s my fault.
Now, I know, as an adult, that this rationale doesn’t make sense, but it’s what his young mind believes (or is trying to believe, anyhow). He doesn’t want to take responsibility for his actions–and I totally get that. I don’t want to take responsibility for my actions, either (who wants to gain those 5 pounds just because you ate like 50 bags of chips in one hour at that tailgating party last week?!). But, the fact of the matter is, there are consequences for every action. Every damn one.
Apparently, my consequence was losing $500. Yup. If I’d only bought him that $20 game he asked for, if I’d only bought that ONE game, I totally could have saved myself $480.
This is, literally, the logic my son used when his dad and I confronted him about the money missing from our bank account. Despite the fact that we doled-out consequences and changed where we keep our wallets to avoid future temptations, I’m really not sure how to respond to his thought process, because (and this is horrible, but…) I kinda get what he’s saying. At the same time, though, my mommy-fear is that he won’t grow out of this logic and he’ll be standing before a judge at 16 telling them that I made him steal a car because I wouldn’t buy it for him. And again at 21 for knocking over a liquor store. Eep!
Surely not, though. I mean, I remember revenge-skipping-school because my mom got sick when I was 14 (as if she could help it); I even remember getting a revenge A in geometry one time just to prove to my dad that I was purposefully failing all the other six weeks (um, right)…Teenagers are screwed-up in the head–literally effed from here to the moon and back.
Maybe its best if I just put my fears aside and acknowledge that, right now, his brain is up his ass and, yes, I made my son steal. Andy my consequence: losing $500.