Because life isn’t weird enough, you have kids and they turn into teenagers, right? I mean, I’ve had some weird stuff happen–we adopted our son, after all, so things haven’t always been “normal” (whatever the heck that is) with him or us since the day we met him…but seriously, the process of him becoming a teen is just so weird. So strange. Like many parents, I now wonder “Who is this ALIEN PERSON with my son’s cute face?!” Well, have no fear, parent with wierd-teen-alien-child-in-your-house-with-your-kid’s-face, I’ve got some helpful advice today: 5 Ways to Cope When Your Teen Accidentally Sexts You. Because life couldn’t be weirdier than weird until it’s also weirdy-awkward, too.
BTW, if you don’t know what stexting is, go type it into google. But under no circumstances should you encourage your child to read this–don’t give away the secrets.
5 Ways to Cope When Your Teen Accidentally Sexts You
- DELETE! And then go wash your eyeballs. With soap and maybe some abrasive toilet-bowl-cleaner (not really, please don’t injure your eyes because of me). It’s gross and you really don’t need that kind of negativity in your life. That’s awful. And tragic. And no one wants to see that in some police report where you’re being charged with some terrible child-molestation-crime. I watch WAAAAAY too many crime dramas not to know that the first thing you do is DELETE! If you have a DELETE! function for your brain, punch it. Even if it washes-out all of last week. Do it.
- RUN AWAY! Ok, so I admit, my first thought was to RUN AWAY!, but then I thought of DELETE! So, second, after deleting (do not forget to delete), run away. Seriously, don’t bother packing your bags or taking your other kids. You just need to go away. Forever. The fact that your cute little, hugged-him-when-he-cried-as-a-littleie, just asked you to do something horrific and terrible (that you’d probably do with your husband, but NOT WITH YOUR KID!)…and you know it had to be an accident, but GEEWWWWWW!
- THROW THE PHONE! Speaking of GEEEEWWWWWWW!, just throw the phone across the room. You have to buy a new one anyway, for your new identity. Because you just can’t be you anymore. You thought walking-in on your parents was bad when you were a kid–this is WAY worse. It’s like that, but with a horse or a donkey. It’s just that on a whole new level of ew. So throw that phone, after deleting and running away. Maybe get a whole new phone plan, even.
- Angrily announce: “I’m sending this to your grandma!” This will stop any potential future accidents from happening. But do not (I REPEAT: DO NOT), under any circumstances, follow-through with this threat. You cannot expose anyone else (besides your spouse) to the horror you have just experienced. This is your child. That should NEVER, EVER, in a million years, KNOW WHAT THAT meant. That phrase was just wrong. A million times over. And the fact that it came–just don’t send it to granny. Just don’t. But you need the threat to hang there like a noose so that mistakes like this are NEVER made again. You have to find some way to traumatize the kid.
- Send Dad to do the dirty work. This is exactly what I did. Sorry, dad, but you’re the sucker. You had to get up at 4am and trot downstairs to tell him he’d accidentally sexted mom. And make him apologize. But not in person. Via text. It was better that way for all of us. Sorry. Not really sorry, though. Heh.
Now, I’m off to go wash my eyeballs again. And threaten one more time to forward that message on to relatives. Heh.