I honestly didn’t know what to expect when baby #3 was on the way. My son was 11 when my oldest daughter was born, so he was practically autonomous and relatively disinterested in a wiggly baby bod. So, when my daughter was only 19 months old and my second daughter came, I just had no point of reference at all. I had no idea there were Weird Things Toddler Do with a New Baby. I just thought we’d all go-on like we’d been doing…but no. Oh, no, things just got weird.
10 Weird Things Toddlers Do with a New Baby
- Breastfeed dolls. You’ll just be sitting next to your toddler on the couch and the BOY (yes, boys do this even–they don’t know) will lift his shirt and put that baby to breast. Although, it’s very cute, it’s also WEIRD. All. Sorts. Of. Weird. There’s no milkies there!
- Feed dolls bottles. Ok, not so weird, except that, yeah, she’s trying to feed the doll the real bottle and now there’s breastmilk or formula all over that doll…eeewww. And the floor…
- Test bottles. She’ll even take the bottle away from you to test on her arm. This is cute, until you realize that as she’s “testing” there’s milk dripping everywhere. EVERYWHERE.
- Feed you a bottle. Or maybe breastfeed you. Either way, you’re taking some kind of milky-substance in your mouth. I don’t know what weirded me out more–having breastmilk shoved in my face or my boob grabbed and attempted to be shoved in my face. Neither worked-out well.
- Try to breastfeed. Now, this is going to be awkward. I mean, you breastfed her, right? But now she’s got like an entire mouth of teeth and she’s like talking…all of that makes it kind of, well, odd, that she’s kind of grown-up and making attempts on pulling your shirt up. Then, she just wants to lick it because she’s not really into it…it’ll be like a first date of weidiness. You might even want to shower afterward.
- Grooming. It’ll start really innocently and sweetly. You’ll think: “Awww, that’s cute.” But then it turns into hours of pretend-washing the baby. Or he’ll try to brush baby’s “hair” with a pool table brush. Not pretty.
- Burp the baby. Burp daddy. Burp the doggies. Burp mommy. Whatever–apparently, everyone needs to be burped now. And hard. Very hard.
- Giggle when the baby toots. This kind of took me by surprise. I mean, it’s funny, but…
- Tradesies. That sneaky toddler will try to “trade” you a doll for the baby. Come on–it’s a fair trade! He’ll just bring you a doll, or a truck or whatever he has of value, then hand it to you and try to take baby off your lap. While you’re not paying attention. And he’ll almost get baby away from you before you realize what’s going on. EEP!
- Alert! Start hollering “Maaaamammaa” when the baby is crying. Like you didn’t hear the baby crying. Like having a second alarm in case you don’t wake up to the first every morning, it will drive you insane. Heh.