I have nothing to hide. But, sometimes, I forget to mention that I’ve faced things that seem more private than others. I’ve talked about all sorts of things. But not this. Not in a while. Let’s re-open the darkest time in my life. Make me cry. But for a good cause. Let’s talk about 10 Things You Should Never Say to a Friend Facing Infertility (because they were all said to me and they all cut to the bone).
10 Things You Should Never Say to a Friend Facing Infertility
- Maybe it’s for the best. When I heard this I wanted to say: “So, what? Is it for the best that my DNA doesn’t get spread around?” Nope. It’s not for the best. I just want what 16 year olds get in the backseat of a car when the condom rips. Nothing more. Why would that be for the best but not me having a baby?
- Just think of all the fun you can have without kids. Just kick a person when they’re down. In the ribs. And then throw salt on it. There’s no fun without kids when you want kids but can’t have them. It’s all bittersweet. And, when I was facing infertility–the bittersweet was just bitter.
- If you just stop trying, it’ll happen. This is like a big, fat lie. Trying has nothing to do with it. Should women facing infertility go back on the pill? Because the gist of “not trying” is doing the opposite of trying…gah! It’s just bullsh*t.
- You can have my kiddos…This is why (and the article that inspired these thoughts again in me).
- Just relax. This is the one that hurt the most. Because it has nothing to do with relaxing. You can go shove your relaxing up your–
- It’s just a shot–people do that all the time. No, it’s not JUST a SHOT. It’s like 3-10 times a day. It’s an IV once a month. It’s sitting still while you do all that and watching other people go about their lives. It’s tiring. And painful. And it’s scarring (I had bruises for almost 2 straight years). Its not just a shot. It’s a million pin pricks.
- These things take time. Aaaand, no. They don’t. It’s not like there’s a reservoir of sperm that has to build-up before an egg is released and they can come together in mitosis. No, it takes 1 time. When you say that…it’s just a bald-faced lie.
- It doesn’t make you less of a woman. Inside, I screamed: “Yes it does. I can’t make a baby, so it makes me less of a woman. Because that’s how I feel. Don’t set my feelings aside. They are valid and my pain is valid.” Don’t try to take the sting out.
- Just think of how wonderful it will be when it does happen. This made me cry. Because, yeah, I knew it would be wonderful. And that person…well, I was SUPER appreciative that she reminded me of how wonderful it would be…if there were, you know, babies.
- Enjoy the time alone with your spouse. I’d like to shove this one down my “friend’s” throat. You enjoy it when you 1) don’t feel like a woman 2) are having sex on a schedule 3) take a million shots that hurt 4) have to listen to all this malarky…and on, and on, and on…Yeah. Enjoy that.
The only thing you should say to your friend: “Wanna talk about it?” Because, I’m the first to tell you, it’s no fun. It’s not something you an laugh about later. It’s painful and, for some (including me), the most painful time of your life. No reason to make light of it. Just be a friend. A real one. And listen.
I’d love to hear some feedback. Hit me up with a comment below or on Facebook. Thanks for reading this, by the way. Means a lot to me.